My mother - and two teenage boys I never met - changed my ideas about wellness. Here's what happened...
Bruises covered one skinny arm and her ankles were a swollen purple mess. Someone had helped her out of bed, but she barely made a dent in the little armchair that faced it.
I couldn’t connect her contentment with her typical crankiness, her frequent falls and last night’s ambulance ride.
Yet, now there was a glow about my mother. It would grow for months, but I wouldn’t understand it for years.
A few weeks later, my wife and I were walking along Lake Ontario. Ahead of us, two teen-age boys skipped from boulder to boulder, tanned muscles flexing in the sun.
As we approached, we realized that their shouts were curses - aimed at someone who wasn’t there. The warm breeze carried their anger long after we passed.
I asked Kathy, “Who do you think is more well? ...my mother ...or those boys?”
And neither of us knew how to answer.
Is physical health the same as wellness?
That summer, when friends would ask how my mother was doing, I could never respond with just one or two words. So, usually, I’d say something like, “Well, physically she’s a mess, but she’s strong emotionally and spiritually.”
Although her body was dying, her emotional and spiritual "pieces" kept her well.
Now I believe that you’re never too old to be well – regardless of the physical illnesses or limitations you have. You don’t have to stop being well, just because your body is sick. In fact, peace of mind, joy and satisfaction can always grow – because love can always grow.
Love grows when we choose to let go of anger, guilt and fear.
Love plays a crucial role in healing both the mind and the body. But sometimes the best, and most lasting, sign of healing is peace or joy – not physical change.
It is just as wrong to cure without caring, as it is to care without trying to cure.
My hope is that this blog, our materials and our work at the Connections Counseling Service will help you to do both. And I hope that you - by sharing your wishes and wisdom in this blog - will help all of us to be our best.
*****
My Mother and the Teens
Bruises covered one skinny arm and her ankles were a swollen purple mess. Someone had helped her out of bed, but she barely made a dent in the little armchair that faced it.
The drone of her oxygen machine drowned some of her words. But I filled in the blanks from the warmth in her eyes and the smile on her lips near the cut that had just been stitched.
My mother was peaceful.
I couldn’t connect her contentment with her typical crankiness, her frequent falls and last night’s ambulance ride.
Yet, now there was a glow about my mother. It would grow for months, but I wouldn’t understand it for years.
A few weeks later, my wife and I were walking along Lake Ontario. Ahead of us, two teen-age boys skipped from boulder to boulder, tanned muscles flexing in the sun.
As we approached, we realized that their shouts were curses - aimed at someone who wasn’t there. The warm breeze carried their anger long after we passed.
I asked Kathy, “Who do you think is more well? ...my mother ...or those boys?”
And neither of us knew how to answer.
*****
Who was more well? ...my mother? ...or the teens?
Is physical health the same as wellness?
What pieces of the Wellness Puzzle are most important for you?
Please post your thoughts!!
*****
That summer, when friends would ask how my mother was doing, I could never respond with just one or two words. So, usually, I’d say something like, “Well, physically she’s a mess, but she’s strong emotionally and spiritually.”
Although her body was dying, her emotional and spiritual "pieces" kept her well.
Now I believe that you’re never too old to be well – regardless of the physical illnesses or limitations you have. You don’t have to stop being well, just because your body is sick. In fact, peace of mind, joy and satisfaction can always grow – because love can always grow.
Love grows when we choose to let go of anger, guilt and fear.
Love plays a crucial role in healing both the mind and the body. But sometimes the best, and most lasting, sign of healing is peace or joy – not physical change.
It is just as wrong to cure without caring, as it is to care without trying to cure.
Posts
2 comments:
I'm wondering if this program could help someone with dementia
Thanks for your question.
There are four ways our program can help someone with dementia - or any other chronic illness - as well as help their caregivers.
1) The "Plan for Any Problem" is a guide to work closely with your doctor - while always improving the quality of your care.
2) The disease-specific information on dementia (as well as other illnesses such as diabetes, hypertension, COPD, CHF, etc) can help you identify the "signs" and "steps" to use in your plan.
3) The "Best Place To Click of Call" section in our CD and Internet Program can provide you with both national and community resources for dementia and other illnesses.
4) The "Satisfaction Skills" can help you and your loved ones communicate better with each other and your doctor(s). The same skills can also help you manage stress and even enhance your spiritual life, if that's important to you.
To learn more,
- please visit our website (www.BeingYourBest.org)
- review our sample materials (which you can access from the "Order" page)
- or post another question or comment.
Take care.
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